I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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