Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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