girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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