this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
