sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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