why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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