I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
