my shit smells like andre
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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