And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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