we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
