You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
