OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
