I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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