I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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