i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's never too late to be topless.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
