Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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