Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
