he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
