Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
