The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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