he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
