Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
