My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
