i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
