i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
