There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
