Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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