I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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