Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
