Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
