What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
