BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
