accomplished twins. life is a go
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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