If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love having hate sex.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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