brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
