Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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