Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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