At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize