By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
