Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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