Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize