i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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