Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
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My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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