Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
