She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
