i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
