Sponge bath it is.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
