Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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