hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
