flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
