You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My bed smells like the plague
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
