remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
