college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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