i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
