You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
