ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
