so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
