I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
