Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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