we have officially lost it.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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