weddingsv make me drug and hornr
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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