Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can Purell be used as lube?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
