Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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