i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
