is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
