she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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