you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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