i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
