I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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