I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
