I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
