omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
