i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
