aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
