I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
