You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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