I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
