I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
