Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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