i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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