I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
