just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
