Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
