i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
