: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
