It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would ride that face into the sunset
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
